the buzz

Paris:
Eiffel Tower was stunning, more beautiful than I imagined.
the French are assholes.
the language barrier was tough here.
we thought more people spoke English here. oops.

Amsterdam:
I could write a whole blog about this city, but i wont.
words can't describe how incredible it was.
the bike system alone blows my mind.
the sex museum was fun and so were the coffee shops haha:)
renting a bike was the best thing i ever did.
spent my Birthday roaming the Red Light District, pretty awesome I must say.

Berlin:
pretty fucken lame.
saw the wall.
best part was mini adventure to a castle in Potsdam.
very beautiful castle area.

Prague:
Amazing
pub crawls
Prague castle was gorgeous and huge
cute little roads everywhere
25 mile country side bike tour to a town outside Prague
sun burnt but worth it
gorgeous.
dont want to leave this place

Munich in the morning :)

Ireland is incredible.

I spend the day in Belfast today. awesome.
the graffiti and murals were the best ive ever seen.
i went to a garden of roses also.
45,000 roses in bloom.
literally
pink.red.orange.white.yellow.purple.
it took my breath away.

tommorow im doing the wild wicklow mountain tour.
they shot Braveheart and P.S. i love you there.
so stoked.

Went pub crawling the other night in Dublin.
one of the best times ever. i could live here. so much fun.
oh btw careful ordering an irish car bomb in ireland, you drop a shot of whiskey not Irish creme, what an amazing night it was.
every single pub in the Temple bar district has live music playing.

i watched an 80's cover band cover ''Don't Stop me now''
:)

next stop on the journey, Paris.
xoxo

first thing i noticed while in London, the NYC of Europe

dudes.
they all have way more respect for women
and many have dashing good looks with a charming dimeanor.

i wish there was a way to transport this male type to the brains of American boys.

anywho, london is super cool.
such an awesome big city.
the food market i ate at today was incredible.
but fuck, why is the dollar shit compared to the pound.
i may end up selling my body by the end of this trip

till i blog again, miss you loves

cheers!

in 7 hours

I depart for my summer adventures in Europe

I will do my best to reach the e-world and post my thoughts.

past couple days have been rough, but i have learned very much.

things change.

letting go of the past is difficult to do, but maybe its best to fully attack what lies in the future.

I won't ever stop being me.

love me or hate me, I am who I am.

I'll probably never change.

I'm just really glad I have some awesome people at my side,

those who are very much like me,

those who get me,

who are at my level.

anywho, wish me luck in the territory unknown.

I hope to return safely in the USA in 5 weeks,

but if not, I know I have lived true and free.

be happy for me, this is me living my dreams :)

this too shall pass.... ;)

digested and ready.

As angry as I sound
That’s just the way I cover up the way I feel.
I've been that way for years and years
Slave to broken hearts and sex appeal

She was a termite
Eating away at my roots.
I was just a lost soul
Who needed a home
I was filling a void with you

sometimes, the dark side must give in.

In a class of their own.

Why do these people become like this?

Nature or nurture?

I'd assume a bit of both. 

The hardest part of letting go is knowing there is no current help for such a disorder.

I hold on to the thought that he was once an innocent boy.

Did he deserve this?

Probably not.

Did he not do something to stop what may have been his destiny?

Who knows.

The best victim was caught.

One that has endless care, desire, and heart to help.

The hardest part to walk away from will always linger within me.

The unanswered questions may never be fulfilled. 

Realization: This is one charity I cannot successfully contribute to.

My Drive:

The only contribution I can make in his honor is to focus on my internal drive to help others.

To cut my losses and focus on what I will become.

The lives I will soon save.

but first...

I have to SAVE MYSELF.

part of the motive for moving was to start fresh

i just began the detox process and it feels so good

no more poison for me

every day is a new beginning to your life.

START NOW

Don't waste time like i did.

Be STRONG

WARNING: explicit content

It was the kind of kiss that could last forever

so much passion on both ends

his lips were so soft, like no other lips I've encountered before

my eyes could barely open because I was trapped in dream bubble of lust

our bare skin pressed up against each others

sliding your hand down my body

a gentle touch made me ache for more

it turned up the heat in a matter of seconds

i wanted you so bad

but i could kiss you all night 

and be completely content with such a perfect encounter

I didn't want to ruin any moment of it

I've never had a kiss that left my head filled with hope

kissing you made me rethink the possibilities for the future

I now know what it feels to be alive 

to feel mutual passion and respect

Thanks to you, I gained back my hopeless romantic side

my prince charming is out there

I want nothing but that

I want someone who sees that dream girl in me

my eyes are open again

with such a positive outlook

It feels great to be ALIVE again

to be me again

I'm not the girl I used to be

I was always the odd girl out.

I was never like "them"

I still do not fit into one category.

But that's OKAY

____________________

I just want RESPECT from those around me

for who I was and for who I've become

Don't condemn me because I'm different

Accept me for who I am

THIS IS ME

Stepping In and Out of a Memory

Heavy lids finally lifted, our deep green eyes caught each other

Like a match made in Heaven for the first time

No spoken words

Just streaming thoughts unsaid

You are the one that understands

The one that listens

To my soul, my heart and my dreams

It was as if you knew you might not have a last chance for goodbyes

I will never forget you

the compassion that warmed your heart

transferred to mine

Memories rush to a tear 

Holding back the water that washes my face

I want to be strong

I want only smiles in view

My smile

the last picture of remembrance

Your eyes had been shut for days

But you left that last bit of energy for me

The energy that would let us see each other for the very last time.

It was love at last sight.

FreeCatFood for thought:

Who would you miss most if they were extinct tomorrow?

What were your last words to them?

Are you satisfied?

Would you change any of your past memories?

looking back

with such satisfaction.

success is not a guarantee. 

As spring semester ends, and my hometown homecoming has arrived,

I am faced with the ghosts of high school past.

I see those who have accomplished something, and the majority that have not.

Being home gives me a new sense of pride.

As old friends question me on what I have been up to, what I have done, and my near future plans, I easily realize all that I have worked oh so hard for. 

I have more answers than I realized, to the questions that many fear.

I look to the future with great promise knowing that I am a person who grabs life by the horns.

someone of both talk AND action. 

bring it on life.

i will be among the successful. 

that is pure fact.

meow

3:05am

She's so insightful

i have found deeper meanings in words

and in the internet....

WELCOME TO FREECATFOOD.